Chemical X
Posted by: Jilliane on: April 1, 2010
You wake me up everyday at seven in the morning just so I can watch you play around. You never seem to get tired of biting the flesh off my finger, hearing me scream out in pain, or executing precarious feats even when I tell you not to. At times you become unreasonable – you let your anger get hold of you … yet you easily forget being furious because of your delight in simple things.
You have your way with everything in this world, yet I must admit that you being you have given me the strength to prevail in times of misery. When I needed a boost, you’re always there to lighten up my day. A kiss or two from you makes all my weariness and pain melt away. Your hugs make it seem that the world is such a peaceful, tranquil, place. Your quirks never fail to brighten up my day.
Though early to say, I know that the day will come when I have to give you away. Days go by and I see less and less of you because of my vocation. I fear that I might be too late to show you how crucial you are in my life before the time comes when I would have to let go of your hand… before the time comes when I’m just left with the memory of your soft palm nestled in mine, your heartbeat against my chest, your small head on my shoulder…
Needless to say, but please bear in mind that I do love you with all that is within me, and that Mommy will always do her best to tuck you in at night and see that no harm will befall you as you lay in your bed so tight.
To my kids, Cassandra Ysabelle and Claire Denise, my sources of Chemical X, my strength, and my spirit.
12 minutes…
Posted by: Jilliane on: March 11, 2010
12 minutes more to go… and counting. Just a couple of minutes more to spend for my shift, and then I’ll get to go to sleep. I’ll finally get to rest my tired mind after 8 hours of straight work. I’ll get to lie down on my soft bed, hug my little tykes snugly, kiss my husband goodnight, and put the sheets on us four before catching forty winks. The idea is so tempting that I’m starting to feel the lids of my eyes closing in upon my line of sight.
9 more to go. My head is in limbo – I can feel my mind drifting to nothingness, empty yet heavy…
Now 7. I’m looking forward to dreaming… Dreaming of life, love, joy… Anything, anything that will take the weight off my shoulders and the stress off my mind. A walk in sunny woods, an afternoon on a quiet beach, maybe? Counting, counting.
4 minutes more. What to say, what to say to pass the time? ABC’s? 123’s? Riddles and rhymes?
Only 2 left. Tomorrow is another day. But tomorrow is not today. So I’m now to close my eyes and rest my head, and relieve my mind of all labor. The moment for slumber awaits.
3, 2, 1.
For the One who Matters Most
Posted by: Jilliane on: July 8, 2009
I must admit, I did not see this in the beginning – I ignored you, I underestimated you, I kept away from you. But time passed and you proved me that even I was wrong, that you are different, that you are worth everything that I have gone through. I’m oh-so-proud of you. You have prevailed through the worst of times, you have lived on, you were able to make it this far. And for all that you have done, I love and cherish you.
I was warned not to go near you. I was told that you were not like anybody else, that you always have something devious going on in that brain of yours, that you were not meant to be trusted at all. They hid me from you. And yet I disobeyed them… Your charm, your wits, your style mesmerized me completely. Your eyes made me feel all tingly, your smile made me tense, and your company made me forget that I’m already taken. You were friendly and obliging; you were always there when I needed understanding. You made me feel really special, something that I had always longed for from him. You knew this. You sent me colorful bouquets, you took me to fancy restos, you made me feel like I was your everything. And so I decided. Amidst protests from my relatives, my friends, and my conscience, I left him to stay with you. Fights erupted, tears were shed, good times rolled, and happiness came and went. Most of the time, I was boring, I was selfish, I made lots of blunders. But you still loved me as me. I was far from being perfect, but you never gave up. You still stood by me, even though I was starting to crack up. You’ve been and will always be there for me no matter what.
I do appreciate everything that you have done for my own and our children’s wellbeing. A belated happy father’s day to the person I care about the most.
A Song in My Head
Posted by: Jilliane on: June 28, 2009
Tell me something
When the rain falls on your face
How do you quickly replace
It with
A golden summer smile?
Tell me something
When i’m feelin’ tired and afraid
How do you know just what to say
To make
Everything alright?
Chorus:
I don’t think that you even realize
The joy you make me feel when i’m inside
Your universe
You hold me like i’m the one who’s precious
I hate to break it to you but its just
The other way around
You can thank your stars all you want but
I’ll always be the lucky one
Tell me something
When i’m ’bout to lose control
How do you patiently hold
My hand
And gently calm me down?
Tell me something
When you sing and when you laugh
Why do i always photograph
My heart
Flyin way above the clouds?
Chorus:
I don’t think that you even realize
The joy you make me feel when i’m inside
Your universe
You hold me like i’m the one who’s precious
I hate to break it to you but its just
The other way around
You can thank your stars all you want but
I’ll always be the lucky one
Your Universe
-Rico Blanco
To You, for all that you’ve done and given me… Thank You.
Randomly Ranting
Posted by: Jilliane on: June 18, 2009
I despise you. You’re such a self-absorbed, good-for-nothing, lazy ass that’s not meant to be given any sort of respect, concern, or adoration. We have given you our understanding, our patience… and yet you continue to torture us with your twisted, atypical ways. I was not raised to be a chauvinist. However, people of your caliber make my blood boil white hot…
I hope this post puts some sense in your brain.
You’ve been different since you came back. You moved with such gentleness that was not expected of you at all, you sounded different, you dressed in such ways that I’ve never seen before. But I never hated you for these things. After all, we are of the same blood; you were still a member of the family. I showed empathy – it was expected of us all to sympathize with you.
But time flies by ever so quickly. You took a turn for the worst. You changed your personality to the horror of those around you, you began to get used to the attention everyone gives you, you lost your respect for the people who live with you, and you constantly tried to overpower beings who get in your way.
Grandma prayed, I hoped, and everyone waited. Yet you never changed. There have been numerous times that Dad and the Princess have given you pieces of their minds, yet you pretend like you haven’t heard anything at all. Those who tried to make a difference were even condemned for doing so. Mom has already given up on the thought of seeing you in a new light… I have given up, too. The womb that even bore you already accepted defeat. Everyone is now convinced that there is no hope for you.
I’m not mad at you because you’re different. I’m mad at you because of your vanity, your lack of respect, your indolence, your insensitivity, and your indifference. Everyone has tried to break you, yet you feign as if they’re not doing anything at all.
May He have mercy on your soul.
